There is no fire, bud. And, while I'm at it, let me say that I am perfectly capable of being wrong on this - or any other - matter. Your points are valid and have merit. I could argue each one, however, and be confident that I am interpreting this rule correctly.
However, in the interest of putting this particular matter to rest, I am going to call in the big guns, and take this to the FAQ Team. If we are unable to reach concensus, perhaps the matter will be brought to a higher power.
Until then, I am stating that the rule as I have stated thus far is correct, and, if asked to make an official ruling in a tournament, I would play it as such.
Please, do not read anything into that last statement - it is not meant as, "I have ruled - so mote it be." Rather, read it as, "I believe that I am correct, and cannot make my answer more clear."